


endless days

by jessamoo



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Children, F/M, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-15
Updated: 2014-10-15
Packaged: 2018-02-21 05:47:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2457080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessamoo/pseuds/jessamoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>for the prompt "kim and adam raising a daughter together"</p>
            </blockquote>





	endless days

Kim’s hands rest subtly on the small but ever growing curve of her stomach. It’s a familiar feeling now, she knows where to place her fingers, she knows the way her stomach is growing, how her baby is growing. When she had first found out she was pregnant she couldn't envision it. 

She had always seen herself as a mother, caring for a child, at some point in her future. She was good with kids. But she hadn't been able to see in her mind just what carrying a life inside her would be like. No amount of pillows shoved up t shirts and posturing in front of the mirror could have prepared her for this. this amount of protectiveness, and love that she had felt so suddenly and deeply that it scared her. As soon as she had known she was pregnant, it was like she could feel the baby inside of her, like it was a part of her. And it was – the best part.

 

Which was why Voight casually appointed her as a member of his next raid, her hands flew to her stomach nervously. She was only 3 and a half months pregnant, she wasn't showing enough for anyone to realise she was pregnant. Which meant she was still working, and whilst it worried her, the danger of the job, she had been careful so far. But going on a glorified shoot out was not careful, and she can tell by the way Adam’s wary glance caught hers that he didn't think so either.

 

He had been urging her to take it a little slower since she’d told him. She knew he wasn't trying to shut her away – they both knew he couldn’t make her do anything she didn’t want to anyway. He was trying his best to protect her whilst knowing he couldn’t push her. He wasn’t exactly articulate when it came to expressing his feelings – it came out in how he’d make sure she was OK, or pull chairs out for her, or stop her drinking too much coffee. One day she had been caught off guard when she had arrived home to find all their cupboards and the fridge stocked full of ‘pregnant friendly’ food stuff. One night, when he had thought she was asleep, she’d heard him softly whispering nonsense to the small curve of her stomach. She had smiled into her pillow and listened for as long as he talked.

 

As everyone went back to their desks and paper work once Voight had finished, Adam made his way over to her. She could already tell what he was going to say before he opened his mouth.

“You're going into a pretty dangerous situation…” he whispers, looking around.

 

Kim nods, biting her lip, the motions to the kitchen and he follows her in there, shutting the door behind him. Some of the others noticed, but they pretended not to.   
They had been good so far, giving Kim and Adam their privacy. Pretty much the whole precinct knew they were together and had been for over a year and a half – but they had never explicitly said so. Until it was officially announced or revealed, they let them go on as they were. All the cops knew how difficult it was to meet someone in a job like theirs, and so they left them alone. It was only Voight they had to keep it from – and they were fairly certain he knew anyway – but without proof there wasn’t that much he could do about it. Something had convinced him to let Kim onto intelligence six months earlier, and so far their relationship hadn't impacted the team in any way – so he had little ammunition to use against them. He’d kept a close eye on them for a while, but eventually even he had to admit Kim was more of an asset to the team than their relationship a hindrance. Now though it was becoming increasingly clear they couldn’t carry on as they had been. 

Kim was awfully torn. She had finally proven herself, finally gotten where she wanted. And she was good at it, everyone knew it. But she had to think about more than herself now.

 

“Look, I know you don’t want to give all this up yet. But it wouldn’t be forever. Just until the baby is born.” Adam starts, seeing Kim’s expression falter in the realisation that the time for thinking this way had finally arrived.

“Its just…I'm barely even showing yet.” She mumbled sadly with a small shrug. She knew it was a useless excuse, because showing or not, she was still pregnant. “I thought I would have more time before I would have to deal with this.” She throws her hands up exasperatedly. “and it means I’ll have to tell Voight, which means explaining about us…” she looks up at him with tears clouding her eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Adam breathes softly, placing a hand on either side of her arms. “I thought we would have more time too. But before you talk to Voight, I have been thinking about some things.”

She raises her eyebrow quizzically as he continues. “We both love our jobs. And neither of us want to ask the other to give it up…so I’m making it so you don’t have to ask.”

“What do you mean?” she frowns slowly.

“I mean…” He sighs and looks at her with a strangely contented smile, like he had reached a decision he was at peace with already. “Once Voight finds out for definite we’re together, we don’t know how he’s going to react. He might let us both stay on, we have proven we can work together. But if he doesn’t, I don’t mind leaving intelligence if it means you got to stay.”

Kim shakes her head in confusion – she couldn’t imagine him anywhere else. They both adored this job, it suited them both more than anything could. This was part of their lives together. “You cant do that, not for me.”

“Not just for you.” He nods to her stomach. “For the baby too. Having two cops for parents isn’t exactly conducive to a stable upbringing.”

“People make it work!” she fights, even though she knows the logic behind his argument. She just didn’t want everything to change so rapidly, now on a normal day like this one when she hadn't prepared herself.

“I know. Maybe we can. I’m just saying, maybe we should think about it. If I was in a different department it might be easier for us. That’s all.” He places a comforting hand on her cheek and she smiles at him despite the nervous twisting in her stomach.

“You know I love you right?” she peers up at him sincerely, wrapping her arms around his neck.

He nods as he leans down, his lips brushing against hers. “And I love you. Both of you…” he looks down then, placing steady fingers on her waist. He smiles with a small shake of his head. “You don’t have to tell anyone yet…but I cant wait till I get to.”

 

And that made her decision for her, as if there was ever a choice. She had told Voight, and he had moved her to desk duty without a lot of ceremony. He didn’t talk about what would happen six months from then, when the baby arrived. And she didn’t ask. She was going to take this day by day, and she was going to make her decisions with Adam based on what was right for the baby. No one, not even Voight, got to decide that. Despite his shock, then cool demeanour and unsurprised look at the baby being Ruzek’s – he had softly congratulated her on her way out of his office.

“Being a parent…best thing you’ll ever do.” He said it so seriously, so genuinely, that all she could do was nod as she turned away.

 

And he was right. 

Adam had excitedly stuck up the ultrasounds on his locker as soon as he could. He had been desperate to tell Olinsky – Kim knew Adam looked up to him as more than a cop, but as a father figure too. And Olinsky was always protective of her after he found out. He made her a promise to always look after Adam too – there was no way this little intelligence baby was going to lose either parent. That made her feel better as she saw the unit file out guns blazing like always over the proceeding months. It did begin to grate on her a little, as the entire intelligence unit hovered around her for months on end. It wasn’t just that she was their friend, but they loved Ruzek too, just as much. This baby was special to everyone, and so she accepted the majority of the mothering she received with a kind, if not a little forced, smile of patience.

Platt became surprisingly motherly toward her too, and would often present her with various cooked meals she seemed convinced were the ultimate food for pregnant women. Kim accepted them graciously, though through the phase in which she often felt nauseous at the thought of any food, Adam would be the one left with the task of taking on Platt’s huge platters of food.

At least she never felt alone. She had her work family, and her real one. But the best times were when it was just her and Adam, arguing about baby names, struggling to read parenting books with straight faces. Just them, together, and their unborn child kicking inside of her like it felt their contentment.

“She recognises our voices.” Adam laughed, pressing his face to her growing stomach as she lay on the couch. He continued to talk to the baby in different tones and pitches, making Kim laugh and the baby kick even more.

“She?” Kim laughs as he presses his ear to her belly as if listening for a response.

“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “Just feels like a she. Right?”

“Right.” Kim agrees. She had been feeling that for months, but didn’t want to assume. Her heart warmed at the idea that Adam had felt the same inexplicable instinct she had. It was strange to know someone – know their personality like you know your own bones, before they had even breathed their first breaths in this world.

 

Emily Ruzek picks the most inopportune time to be born.

It had been edging closer and closer to the due date and Kim had been stuck inside for weeks. Adam was due to stop working in the next few days – they expected their daughter to arrive sometime within the next week. They should have known nothing ever went to plan in their world. They had had such a complicated relationship to start with, it only stood to reason the tradition would carry on.

Adam was undercover. Sat in the middle of a busy restaurant he is alerted to Lindsay and Halstead motioning to him erratically on the other side of the room. They had nearly caught who they were after in a lie – Voight talking to him on another table from where Adam and Olinsky sat watching. They were mostly here for back up at this point – the job was very nearly done. And so he couldn’t think what the hell had just happened for them to almost break cover.

“What?” he mimes to Halstead and Lindsay with an annoyed expression.

He sees Lindsay roll her eyes and motion emphatically for him to come over, all the while casting sly glances at Voight to make sure no one had noticed.

He sees Halstead subtly place a hand on the communication device in his ear. “just got word from Atwater and Dawson in the van.”

“What word? We OK?” Olinsky chips in – his voice is far more calm than how Adam is feeling.

 

Before they can reply there is a great crash from the middle of the room as Voight slams their target onto the table, spilling cutlery everywhere. The others jump up and surround them with their guns out as he clasped his handcuffs on the man roughly.

Lindsay quickly jumps in next to Adam. “Kim’s having the baby.” She explains, and is gone in a second to secure the targets body guards in handcuffs of her own. Halstead claps him on the back as he moves past him with a sheepish smile.

“Better get going.” He says before disappearing into the throng of people after Lindsay.

Adam wants to run out of there but hesitates, waiting for some kind of signal from Voight who doesn’t appear to have heard them as he wrestles with his arrest.

Olinsky rolls his eyes and grabs Adam’s jacket, dragging him towards the door. “Go to the hospital kid, we got this.”

“Hey! Ruzek, where do you think your going?” Voight calls across the restaurant. Adam glances back at him unsure.

“Go!” Olinsky barks, and if Voight shouts anything else Adam doesn’t hear. He’s already out on the cold streets of Chicago, running to his car in an excited panic.

 

Emily has soft chestnut hair and wide brown eyes that look deep, fathomless and wise beyond her years. Kim is careful with her, she helps her draw and stick them on the refrigerator. She braids her hair and tries to teach Adam to do the same – but apparently facing off a gang of drug lords was far easier than a French braid.

Adam runs with her, tumbles in the fall leaves, swings her about in his arms like she’s weightless. There is never fear there though, he is as constant and strong as a mountain. At first glance it would seem reckless, but when Kim watches them play adventures in the park she sees every tiny movement, every little gesture of protection that keeps her daughter safe. 

She and Adam never doubted each other. They were both new at first – startlingly new. But even when they doubted themselves they found belief in one another. When Kim cried because she hadn't slept for days he’d hold her till she fell asleep in his arms. When he cried because he missed Emily’s first steps because of work, she had wrapped her arms round him in a silent show of support and forgiveness. As Emily grew up strong and brave and kind, with her mothers honesty and care, and her father’s patience and humour, she grew up loved.

They were a team in the strongest sense of the word. He’d once had to reassure Kim that there was no one he would rather have a child with and it was true. He knew no other truth as pure as the one he found with this family. But the team didn’t just stop with them. Kim eventually returned to the intelligence unit as Emily got older – the huge support network of their families and friends ensuring that their daughter was always looked after. And after all, when discounting blood family, she had been born with at least two aunts no one dared cross and five very protective uncles. Emily eventually knew her way round the precinct as much as she knew her home – and the site of a bunch of hard faced cops melting and cooing over a curious little toddler was something that never got old.

It was difficult. It was difficult to know they both had such a dangerous job and so much to lose. It was difficult when Adam felt like Kim’s mother made too many decisions, and when she said he wasn't strict enough, and she too controlling, and all the other things that clawed at them on the bad days. But they weren't what they focused on. And there was so many more good than bad.

Because all the bad days were worth it. All the cheating and the mixed signals and the overreacting, the fights and the secrets that led them to this. All of it was forever and irrevocably worth it just to watch their funny, clever little daughter sleep.

So two people, still young, still unsure, found solid ground. They fell asleep watching their daughter’s steady slumber. Adam would kiss her forehead and her eyes would drift closed, waiting for the next day, and the next. For all the days after. 

For all their days together.


End file.
